[Barony Marche of the Debatable Lands, 6 December 2003]
Greetings from Michael Alewright.
There will be fencing at the Kriskindermart event! The tourney will begin early — I will say 10:00, and shoot for no later than 10:30. We will be running multiple scenarios, so late entries are welcome subject to the availability of marshals to inspect you. We will have prizes courtesy of Sasha, and early birds have better chances.
Given the “holiday shopping” theme of the event, fencing scenarios along the same lines seemed highly appropriate. Welcome, holiday choppers! Here are the day’s combats:
Welcome to Shiny Pointy Sharp Thing, your one-stop, head-lop, shop-’til-they-drop holiday season gift headquarters! To start the holiday season right, the first five customers through the door get a bonus coupon for 50% off their entire purchase. The store opens at 7 a.m. It’s 6:55.
This is a five minute, timed scenario. Everyone forms a “line” at random. Number 1 fights number 2, 3 fights 4, etc. A winner who was “behind” the loser switches places with the loser. A winner who was in front of the loser stays in front. When your combat is concluded, you may challenge the next person ahead of you in line, or accept a challenge from the person behind you (challenges from behind may not be refused unless there is someone ahead of you who is immediately ready to fight you at the time the challenge is made). You cannot fight the same person twice in a row. When time is called, the five fencers at the head of the line get a point each.
There are plenty of customers eager to shop, but only two sales staffers on the floor to show them how to find what they need. Go ahead and get their attention — if you can — so they can help you out.
All you have to do is escort a sales staffer from the information booth at the center of the melee area past the edge of the area, and he’s yours. Take him by the hand and he will follow. Staffers who are not actively being fought over will return to the information booth unless someone intercepts them. Staff cannot be attacked, wounded or killed. Staff will not run or hurry. Those who successfully escort staff out of the melee area gain two points. Teams can form during the melee and choose to divide the points between themselves (no fractions, please). Winners are done fighting the moment they win, even if combat continues.
“Battle Me Elmo” is the must-give gift of AS 38. They are almost impossible to find in stores, and are reported to be selling for over $100 each on the street. Lucky you… the store has two of them in stock! All you have to do is get one out the door. Don’t worry… your fellow shoppers are sure to understand that you saw it first.
Single rapier only, and do NOT use Elmo as a parry object. Only one per customer, please, and each one is worth a point.
“I’m really in a hurry. Do you mind if I cut ahead of you?”
“Sure, go ahead… over my dead body.”
Start in the back of the line. Fight each person ahead of you in succession, in single combat, wounds retained, until you make it to the front of the line alive or you are killed. Everyone who makes it to the front of the line alive gets a point.
After a vigorous day of shopping, it’s time for a well-earned dinner and maybe some karaoke at the store’s restaurant, The Palpable Hit.
Part 1: The wait is HOW LONG? You and your dining companion get to do what you have always wanted to do: kill everyone else who is waiting for YOUR table. If your dining companion should become unfortunately dead, feel free to hook up with another eligible companion… the tables DO seat two, after all. The two survivors (assuming both survive) get a point apiece.
Part 2: The winning team attempts to sing karaoke. Everyone attacks them. No points here, just wanton slaughter for its own sake.
The sales staff has finally emerged from their break room to escort the customers out of the store at closing time. Unfortunately, the customers aren’t ready to leave!
No points here, just a grand melee for fun in which the fencers are divided into sales staff and shoppers, to fight it out for control of the store.