How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish.
How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Dam!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
An amish drive-by shooting.
How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
How many Aikido students does it take to change a light bulb?
None — they can't do anything until the bulb attacks them.
How many Tai Chi stylists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes awhile.
How do you spot an extroverted Norwegian?
He’s staring at your shoes.
Tai Chi is like standing still, only faster.
A linguistic professor in Ontario was discussing the structure of the English Language telling his class: “In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
At which a wee Scottish voice piped up from the back: “Aye, right.”
One day a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. So the bartender says to him, “You know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?”
And the pirate says, “Aaar, its driving me nuts!”
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